Addiction from my eyes, the eyes of the family member. The eyes that don’t fully understand your struggle. The eyes that don’t know the extent of your loneliness, your pain. The eyes that so badly desire to know all of you but only gets a part of you.
My heart bleeds for your desire to be free, to be at peace, to know sobriety, if even for today. Because that’s all I do know about this disease is that you only have today. You only have your next step, your next breath, your next moment. This of course is what I read, I can not nor will not try to say I understand what you are going through. Nor will I write about my self righteousness and how I have all the answers & how my quick tips can heal the darkest of souls. This is not my purpose & I would never try to minimize your pain through my lack of understanding. What I will say is I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. What I would do to take this disease from you, is limitless. I see you, I love you & you deserve to be free. The darkness, loneliness & fragileness of your soul is safe with me. I promise to tread lightly, proceed with caution & not stare as if you are a circus animal. I will give you air. I will be gentle. I will help you how you need it, not how I need it. All I want, the one selfish thing I desire from you, is hope. Hope that your heart will soften to the idea of help. Hope that you will see your self worth as I see it. Hope that you will one day see the world through the eyes of clarity, sobriety & joy. I so wish I had the answer, I wish it was simple. That is just me trying to put a pretty bow on it & that’s not fair to you. I will say that I love you enough to say “no”. No to drinking in my home. No to the drunk texts that hurt. No to the acceptance that this is just who you are. This is not me not accepting YOU, this is me not accepting the alcohol. I see you. I see your heart beneath the pain. I see your soul beneath the brokenness. I see your spirit beneath the addiction. You are here because you are meant to be. The day your job is complete, you will be taken from this earth, but not before then.
What is your story? What do you want your story to be? Oh the stories I’m sure you could tell, I would love to hear them. Understand them. What story are you creating for your child, for the precious soul that calls you daddy? How do you want them to see you, describe you, think of you? You see my dearest, only you can make this choice. I would make this choice for you all day, but it is not mine to make. While I can’t override your free will, I can pray mine over you. I can pray for your strength. For your desire to be free. For your freedom. You did not do this to yourself. You are not weak. You are not alone. You are loved. You are important. You are necessary. You are a piece of my heart. My soul. You matter to me. I will do my part to remove the obstacles that enable your addiction. I will be respectful, I will be gentle but I will not be quiet. I love you too much to keep my mouth shut and frankly when have you ever known me to be quiet. I will fight for your life, even if you don’t. You are worth it. You are beautifully & wonderfully made with a brilliant mind, kind heart & contagious laugh.
While this letter may be written to one, I send it to you all. All who are struggling, alone. All you feel hopeless. All who want life, joy & peace. I wrote this to you because we are all brothers & sisters in the eyes of God. Not to get “churchy” on you but His love never fails, nor will mine. No sin is too big, you ask & you will be forgiven. No questions asked, no bill to pay. That bill was paid for & made you worthy, made you wanted.
So the choice is yours. I am here, we are here. I love you.
13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
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For information 24/7, 365 days/year, check out the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration