It’s no secret that this has been the “thorn” in my life, to poke me, make me uncomfortable, force me to take a step back & really evaluate what this life is truly about. One thing I’m not sure I fully realized before my 1st loss, 3 years ago, was that everyone suffered…everyone. I truly believed in my own rose colored world, that as long as I was a good person, bad things wouldn’t happen. Oh, if I could just go back and hug that sweet ,naive girl.
The first truth I would quickly discover on this heartbreaking journey was that suffering was not exclusive, prejudice, or fair. Regardless of race, age or socioeconomic status, you will experience suffering at some point in your lifetime. One of my favorite speakers said it best, “if you haven’t suffered, you haven’t lived long enough” (J. Hatmaker) My goodness this is so true. Not only are we promised suffering, yes promised (2 Corinthians 1:4-6 , John 16:20) but we are promised mercy. We are promised comfort. It is through His mercy & grace that we will climb out of our darkest season to feel the warmth of light shine upon our face again.
Our suffering is what we let it be. Hurt does not mean defeat. Pain does not mean weak. We can suffer in this life but still thrive, rise above & accomplish greatness. It is in the suffering that we often find our greatness. It is in our weakness that we are met with greatness.
The second truth I would find in the midst of the darkness was that my children, my loved ones, my precious humans were not my own. I often look back at how I lived my life before my miscarriages & while I know I always had a good heart, with good intentions, my life was all about me. My children were mine. My husband was mine. My friends & family, mine. I wonder if I had to lose what was “mine” to realize it was never mine to begin with? I am His. We are His. They are His. We were made by Him, for Him to serve & love. To teach His nations about Him through love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness & self-control. The fruits of the spirit friends, these are the tools we are given to do this very important job. So when did we stop using our gifts to serve Him & begin serving ourselves?
The third lesson that I had to accept & believe is that it was not my fault. I did not bring this on myself because I was overwhelmed by the pregnancy. It was not caused by that ab workout, flu shot, teeny glass of wine, Tylenol, soda, soft cheese, sex or any of the other million reasons we come up with…because surely it is our fault. I did not wish for this, want this nor deserve this. This was not my fault. This was not your fault.
There is nothing pleasant, kind or comforting in losing a baby. It is truly the hardest thing I have ever experienced, but it is also this suffering, this pain where I found my purpose. I found my strength. I know my suffering is not without reason. I know my 3 beautiful children are His first. I know that this is not my fault. I choose to trust in Him & His plans for me, regardless of how He grows me to get there.
So as I try to find those perfect words to fill you with peace, comfort & hope, please trust me when I say, I hear you, I see you. You are not alone. Nothing is wrong with you. This was a horrible loss that none of us deserved. You will survive. You will be ok. I love you & I’m always here for you. We are bound by a sisterhood in loss but are built for a sisterhood of love. It is through our loss that we can bring love into this hurting world.
Tell your story, share your story. You are someone else’s source of comfort.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT
“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 NLT
“even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.”
2 Corinthians 12:7 NLT
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