That feeling you get, that you should be done crying by now. It’s been a few weeks, months, years but you are back in that head space of sadness, loss, anger. It’s real friend and it’s ok. Miscarriage is hard.
The first thing I tell my sisters in loss when they share their shattered dreams is that these next few months are going to be hard. Every period will be a reminder of what you no longer have. There will be days that you just don’t want to face the day and that’s ok. Likewise, there will be days that you feel like you almost forgot. For some reason you feel joy or even slight happiness and the pain is less intense. When you notice this, guilt may be your first instinct, but don’t. Don’t do this to yourself. This moment of joy or simple peace is not you forgetting, it’s not you getting over it. It is your spirit. It is your hope. It is your hearts preservation to keep you going. It’s these moments that will sustain you for the hundred bad days you will likely have. These feelings are as real and valid as the sad ones. Embrace them, enjoy them and then use them when you fall back into the darkness of loss.
Your babies due date will hurt. This will not be the happy joyous day you once envisioned, this will now be a day of mourning. Another memory of what you don’t have. Let yourself have this day. Honor your baby, mark it a day to to remember and never forget. Make a basket and drop it off to the labor and delivery nurses at the hospital with a note thanking them for all they do. Let a balloon go to visually watch this earthly object disappear into the homes of heaven where your little one now lives. Find an organization that supports perinatal loss and donate in your angels honor. Celebrate, remember & grieve. This day is important, you deserve to feel it, live it & remember it.
Friends, family, strangers will stay stupid comments. They just will. Just turn your ears off, smile and move on. They don’t get it. Most of them have never experienced it and therefore they think that telling you “it is all a part of God’s plan” will somehow comfort you. It won’t. It never does but they mean well. This highly devouted Christian who pours her heart out to Christ does not nor will not process those words how they were meant. I will see it as insensitive, inappropriate & not comforting. A simple “I’m so sorry” and a hug goes much further and leaves me feeling loved.
Google search will destroy you. Don’t go there. Even though a blogger, a doctor, a mom of multiple miscarriages may think they know why you lost your baby, they don’t. I lost 2 pregnancies at 14 weeks, flooring my doctor into speechlessness. If he couldn’t tell me why, neither can they. Yes, search to hear others stories. This is not morbid, it’s comforting. We as humans feel comfort when we see others experiencing the same loss as us. It is the source of comfort Paul speaks of when he tells us to use our pain to comfort others. (2 Corinthians)
Miscarriage is hard….girl, let’s cry. I cry with you in sadness and in hope. I cry with you in memory and in celebration. Your baby existed. Your baby was real. It is my belief that you will be welcomed and reunited when you go on to your final destination into the beautiful heavens above.
I love you and I’m so sorry for your loss. I am here with you in solidarity and sisterhood. You may message me day or night to tell me your story. I can’t wait to hear all about your baby. Their name or names since you may not have known the sex. I can’t wait to hear about the room you already dreamed of and the crib you envisioned buying. Your story is special. Your story is relevant. Never be ashamed or scared to share it. There is a mom waiting to hear it and be comforted by it.
Miscarriage is hard.
I pray these words make it to the hearts of the hurting, wounded and lonely 💕