Am I’m losing it?

Really, I am quite convinced that my brain has been hijacked by an actual toddler who has decided to stuff cheerios into any area that may contain the slightest bit of sanity.  I am throwing tantrums, crying randomly and frankly, I could use a nap?

You feelin me?

I am not sure if it’s the summer heat, the anxiety of school schedules on the horizon or just the fact that I’m so freakin’ tired but I truly am at my wits end.  It’s the last month of summer, my kids are bored, I’m out of money and I just want to get things done.  On top of all that, I am in school, so there’s that extra level of pressure to be “on”.  I feel like a circus clown juggling 10 balls, just waiting for one to drop.  Oh, there goes your patience, oops…you dropped sanity over by the door.  This feels like my daily routine right now and I just need a break.

So in typical Melanie fashion, I turn to you, my computer…to type out all my frustrations and pray that my fingers will magically provide the answer, the remedy, the fix for all my “woe is me” feelings.  Honestly, I’m sick of hearing them myself!

I will turn to the few truths I can still muster up to remember.  First, motherhood is hard, it just is.  Whoever says otherwise, most likely has a full time nanny, chef and maid.  In my home, I play all those roles plus therapist, CEO, treasurer and butt wiper.  It truly is exhausting.  Now if you are a mom yourself in the throws of all this, you know that we honestly wouldn’t change a damn thing. Really.  I think we forget that as moms that it’s okay to be overwhelmed, to vent, to cry.  Just because a good thing can have some bad moments, doesn’t make it a bad thing.  Good stress is still stress and it has the same effects on your body.  Your cortisol levels go up, your energy goes down and your lack of patience is wiped clean.  I’m no doctor, so don’t quote me on the effects of stress exactly, but this is what it feels like for my body.  My second truth is that it’s temporary.  Yes. This is such good news.  Not motherhood being temporary, that’s forever girlfriend, Praise Jesus, but this season, this moment. The tough battles of 3 year old’s will pass.  Four is pretty amazing, let me tell ya.  The lack of sleep, will get better….so I’ve heard, haven’t quite experienced this one yet.  You and your husband will find alone time again and not just when Nana is in town, your kids will be able to watch themselves one day!!! Most importantly, whatever life has thrown your way that is stressing you out, worrying you or making you feel uneasy, shall too pass.

“And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:” Acts 2:17-38 KJV

Everything about this life is temporary.  There will be a time where we all leave this earthly body.  Where our lives will take new form in our forever home with our one and only Father.  This my sisters is what we need to hold tight to as we are knee deep in dirty laundry and crying kiddos.  This is just the earthly portion of our life and while overwhelming at times, it is a mere dot in the eternity of what we have been promised.  So lets cut ourselves some slack.  Lets give ourselves a break.  Lets leave the laundry, order in dinner and plop our butts on the couch.  When is the last time you legitimately just laid with your babies and watch a Pixar movie or laughed as they did magic tricks, silly jokes and puppet shows?  Remember all those dreams you had when that little nugget was growing in your womb?  I guarantee you we weren’t fantasizing about crying in bathrooms, yelling for them to make their damn beds or throwing away half the food you made because it smells funny.  No, we fantasized about the moments, the memories that we would be creating and making as a family.

So once again, my fingers have not failed me. As I sat here with a chip on my shoulder planning to bitch about how annoying everything is to me right now, I realize it’s time for me to stop.  Stop moving, planning, forcing things to go a certain way.  I think I will pour myself a glass of wine and put on my favorite blues jazz as I cook a delicious meal for my family tonight.  I think we will go on a walk as a family, because when is the last time we did that?!  I think I will read them stories and rub their backs.  And when they frustrate me, because they will, I will take a deep breath, remember my truths and smile.

Motherhood is hard and this is temporary.



To join my daily conversation, please follow me on Instagram and Facebook!  I would love to meet you, hear your thoughts and share in this journey of motherhood together!

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